Surely you're longing to hear some scathingly humorous remarks concerning the NewHampshire primary. And it would be our honor to relate a few pithily amusingjibes about 2012's primary primary. Only, sorry. Not going to happen. Can't bedone. NH is so... over and done with. Day before yesterday. Such archaic news,you probably read about it in some ancient medium like a broadsheet gazettewith sepia-toned daguerreotypes.
Oh sure, in the distant future, historians may well remark upon Willard MittRomney's romp. And what a righteous romp it was. With the grimacing refugeefrom Madame Tussaud's Wax Works avenging his 2008 defeat to John McCain bybeating the rest of the field like a 4-year-old with a dime store drum onChristmas morning to become the first Republican non-incumbent to sweep boththe Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire primary. And that plus 2-and-a-halfbucks gets you a cup of coffee.
Alas, the political circus has long since moved on. Some of the camps were gonealready. Didn't even bother to hang around Manchester for the actual count andamount, so intent were they to seek their second wind in the warmth of thesouthern embrace primary action in South Carolina on the 21st and Florida 10days later.
Hustling down, over their shoulders, the back of the pack halfheartedly tried to dismissthe former Massachusetts governor's triumph in the Granite State as a "Isn't itNice to See the Boy Next Door Doing so Well?" kind of neighborly thing. But thatproved a minor distraction and everyone knows the stakes for the final AnybodyBut Mitt tent need to pitched now. Today. If not sooner. Deep into the fertilesoil of the Palmetto State.
This Southern Fried Maginot Line is the last best chance to jump on the Mittmeisterand the whole B-team is lacing up their steel-toed boots and pounding nailsinto their soles as we speak. South Carolina is where Bush derailed McCain in2000, and to say the above-the-belt tactics were outnumbered by those below thebelt is both accurate and lame.
To buttress his own personal Alamo, Newt Gingrich picked up 5 million dollars froma single donor, to be funneled directly into ads to do to Romney what Romneydid to him in Iowa. Cover your eyes kids; this won't be pretty. The guy whofamously bragged, "I like to fire people," Mr. Bain Capital, is about to bumpup against an entire slate of candidates not to mention a state, that feels thesame way.
Not Newt himself, but Newt's Super PAC, which has absolutely noconnection to Newt. None. Whatsoever. At all. Totally separate entity. SuperPAC. Such a guy thing. "My Super PAC is bigger than your Super PAC." Super PACenvy. And the candidate with the biggest Super PAC gets the girl.
Rick Perry has joined Gingrich in running a series of grisly ads assailing thefront-runner as a vulture capitalist, guaranteed to rile Willard up so bad histalons will be itching for more carrion. And no, I'm not talking about RickSantorum. The ads are so vicious that if the Barack Obama re-election campaignpossessed an ounce of common human decency, they'd chip in a couple bucks. Thenagain, maybe they are.
The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst "is quitepossibly the best political satirist working in the country today." Check outthe website: Redroom.com to buy his book or find out more about upcoming stand-up performances. Or willdurst.com.

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